Dysfunctional
by Retrobution
Summary: AU, in which Percy's an insomniac, Annabeth loves plastic bags, Thalia's the wise person, and Luke- who somehow managed to survive on the run with a dozen bags from home. May the Gods be with them as they cruise around America and attempt to make it to camp.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Teletubbies, Pokemon, Power Rangers, Thomas the Train, Sesame Street, Beedle (Legend of Zelda,) Louis Vitton, Mission Impossible Theme, Van Gogh, Genghis Khan, or Superman (Kal-El)**

**A/N: Well, it's my second year anniversary here on Fanfiction… Merry Christmas! This was rushed, so the characters' personality might even stray away from their OOC personality… If things weren't explained, (or crudely explained) just send me an PM.**

**Warning(s): Anything crime related (stealing) is probably glamorized, so this doesn't take after real life that much. Also, there will be swearing.**

:: Annabeth Chase ::

"Annabeth get me three plastic bags!" Frederic Chase barked at his daughter.

She gave him four. He frowned in displeasure, throwing the piece of 'eco-friendly' plastic at her head. She mockingly dodged in slow motion, turning her head to look at the floating bag that missed her head by… a few meters.

"Three Annabeth, three like the birds on a tree!" He hissed, trying to make his words rhyme.

"Are you saying that there are only three birds in a tree?" She asked in an innocent way. "How naïve can you get?!"

Frederic sighed in disappointment, bowing his head down in shame. His singing career wasn't making any progress so far. He glanced up, and Annabeth could see that he was flushing a shade of dark red. _Red Annabeth, red like the color when you're dead!_ She imagined him saying, and shook her head in the same shame that her father had.

Embarrassment. One word that they experienced every day, yet both were unaware of their own faults. Frederic was ashamed of his daughter's unhealthy craving obsession of plastic bags. She adored them at heart, and went nowhere without trailing a little dreary plastic bag behind her. Little kids loved teddy bears. She loved plastic bags. He sighed, rubbing his head tiredly.

Annabeth was ashamed of her father's 'singing career.' It wasn't five minutes before he spouted some nonsense held together by random words that he so desperately tried to rhyme with. _Imagination is the key! Don't go in the bathroom without toilet paper to pee! _She unexpectedly thought before her eyes widened and she hid her face in her hands. _I'm catching the disease…_

Five minutes passed awkwardly as Frederic strolled around the supermarket with a trolley, walking as if he were a hunchbacked duck himself. People stared at him as he walked past as he had been putting on extra weight lately. It didn't look too appealing to the ladies he flirted with at the kitty food section.

"Dad come on let's go," Annabeth hissed lowly, tugging her father's arm with her small 6 year old hands.

He didn't seem to be listening, and used one hand to lean his head on the metal surface of the rack and the other to silently swat his daughter away. Annabeth only dodged with her ninja skills that she had developed at a healthy age of three. A small smirk formed on her young features, and an idea swirled around her brain like a vortex.

"Dad they're ugly woman," she commented quietly, making sure that only her father could hear her.

Finally he turned towards his only daughter in annoyance. His eyes were blazing and reading his sign language, it was clear that he wasn't happy. She held back her intimidating grey eyes that scared people away so much.

"They're not ugly!" Frederic protested, trying to score some points with the ladies. They had to smile in his direction, happy for once. His next sentence completely damaged his wonderful sentence. "I mean sure their hair in their nostrils don't look that appealing and their all-too-noticeable-moustache are definitely a blergh but they don't look too shabby."

"Not too shabby?!" One of the women shrieked. She reached forward to slap him, a menacing glare set on her face like an engraving on a stone.

He dodged just in time, and a grin formed on his face as he realized he hadn't been hit. Annabeth grinned as well, knowing her plan had worked. Looks like they weren't going to pay for their favorite cookies again.

"Annabeth grab the cookies!" Frederic shouted in despair, grabbing a few cans of beer packed together. A 'genius invention.' Quoted by the desperate singer himself. "I already grabbed the beer!"

_Yay, _Annabeth thought in sarcastic enthusiasm. _More awesome movie nights with a drunken dad singing about… Whatever his genius brain can come up with. _She quickly grabbed the packet of cookies and stuffed it in one of the many plastic bags she kept within her large pocket. Nodding her head in response to her father's demand, she sped up when she went through the 'did you steal something?' detector.

It beeped like crazy. The store guard stepped forward, his mouth open to speak but instead, she increased her quick speed, flashing a 'hahahahahahahahahaHA!' grin. But apparently she wasn't going fast enough. She heard her father mumble something but she ignored it, mainly due to his words rhyming again.

"If only Athena was here, she could teleport us here and there," Frederic sang as he ran, doing a power jump and skipping the rest of the way home. "Faster Annabeth, faster!"

_No rhyme on that one huh? _Annabeth thought in faint amusement as she sped up to her father's command. She felt the cold breeze slap her face and she scowled as her curly 'princess' curls got in her vision. _I'm considering shaving my hair off. _Glancing behind her, she saw the fat security man wobble after them.

All was well until Annabeth accidentally released her grip on the plastic bag that held the stolen cookies.

"NO!" Frederic yelled in despair, watching the cookies fly in the air. "NOT THE COOKIES! Annabeth, you jumbo sized elephant!"

While Annabeth turned backwards the catch the cookies, and her most treasured plastic bag, the fat security man threw a sack of potatoes at her head. She dodged it with a booming grin on her face as she started to pick up the plastic bag that she cherished. With a smiling face, she resisted the urge to do a show off-y backwards handstand, instead choosing to do the moonwalk.

A huge BONK was sounded as she hit the ground, a sack of apples lying next to her. Frederic Chase took one look at his unconscious daughter before making a run for it.

"I'm sorry Annabeth, survive the jail and try not to achieve death!" Frederic shouted, sprinting away guiltily.

Another loud noise was made as he hit the ground with a thud, a strange expression on his face. The fat security man had managed to capture his victims once again. _Another proud day to discourage the stereotype! _He thought in happiness as the cops took them away.

* * *

The next day they were released by an unknown bailer and Frederic's horrible singing.

:: Thalia Grace ::

"_Honey, _will you help me with this?" Ms. Grace asked her daughter.

Thalia flicked her mother's reaching arm and smirked when she flinched. Ms. Grace stared at her daughter with delicately raised eyebrows, her mouth forming into a lumpy shaped o.

"Your flesh and blood," Thalia stated wisely. "Not _honey_. Do I look like some sweet liquid to you? You're actually calling yourself a bee you know that? Moron."

"Moron? Best you can come up with?" Ms. Grace challenged, letting her anger get the best of her. She let out a huge gasp once she turned and came face-to-face with a cameraman. "I am _so _sorry Dan. Will you tape that again, my own _flesh and blood _was acting impish."

"Actually, I'm just your blood which is only fifty percent," Thalia piped up once again.

"_Smartass_!" Ms. Grace scolded disrespectfully. "Stupid no good bubblegum chewing _fool_!"

"Ahem!" The cameraman cleared his throat purposely.

"Do you see me chewing bubblegum right now? I think you need your vision fixed, four-eyes," Thalia spoke rudely. She opened her mouth widely so her mother could see what she was eating. A green, chewed up something was in her mouth. "I'm eating _spinach_ dammit. Apparently it's good if you want to be strong… Of course, that's what the social media and advertising say... There could always be some sort of new chemical they injected in the vegetable, and- oh shit… What if they injected _steroids _in spinach so you could grow muscles?!"

Ms. Grace opened her mouth to retort but was stopped by an angry cameraman who placed his hand on the actress' shoulder. She was stopped by a weak glare. But then again, she could be stopped by a paper airplane being thrown at her.

"Sorry Dan," her voice got sugar sweet as she replied.

Thalia, of course, _had _to ruin the moment. "Now that's what I call a _honey _voice right there mom. Get your facts straight."

"Alright, last chance!" Dan the cameraman shouted in aggravation, banging his head on the camera, which caused it to fall on the ground.

Ms. Grace gasped melodramatically, placing her hands to her mouth like a chubby chipmunk. Her eyes were furious, but she never got the chance to say something.

"He ruined the carpet," Thalia spoke as if the cameraman wasn't there, pointing to the stain of the milkshake which had been knocked over in all the 'chaos.'

"You ruined the carpet!" Ms. Grace spoke, at least giving the cameraman some respect of being scolded directly. "Get out of the shed! Out! Out! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!"

He was out the instant Thalia got the sickle which was conveniently placed right next to her.

"He ruined the carpet!" Ms. Grace shrieked, sobbing with actual tears coming out of her eyes. "And it was expensive too!"

"Really now?" Thalia raised her eyebrows, wondering how expensive it was.

"It cost me twenty dollars Thalia! That's… That's at least three or four days of food for us!" Ms. Grace wailed, doing some math in her head. "And now it's ruined!"

They lived on cheap and random food outings.

"It's not that bad," Thalia did a great job of comforting her mother. "It's only stained on the corner; we can wipe it off easily."

"With what?!" Ms. Grace snapped angrily. "Jason's little baby blanket?"

Thalia's eyes lit up. "Great idea, I'll go get it right now!"

The daughter of the mortal ran off to find her little baby brother who was currently with his 'cool' babysitter. She frowned when she entered the room, sensing the atmosphere change when she came in.

"Oh… Hey Thalia, I was just teaching Jason some new words," the babysitter smiled nervously, rubbing the back of her head with a tense smile. Her eyes met Jason's as a clear warning of 'DON'T SAY ANYTHING!' "What do you need?"

"Sh-Sh-Shwit," Jason tried pronouncing a new swearword that his babysitter had taught him in the past hour.

It took a while to sink in on what was happening and what Jason was trying to say. When Thalia finally got it, her electrifying blue eyes were blazing with anger. The air got tense and she looked like Zeus herself. The younger, female version of course.

"I can't believe you're teaching my baby brother swearwords!" Thalia exploded.

The babysitter backed up to the point of no more backing up space. Her last thoughts were ironically the very final swearword she taught Jason as she felt herself being dragged and thrown out the door.

"Hawahawahawahawahawaha!" Jason squealed, laughing in delight as he saw his former babysitter being kicked out of the house by his big sister. "Shwit! Shwit! Ashhowe!"

"Thalia what's that noise?" Ms. Grace questioned. She stood up from the couch, going over to where all the commotion was. "Was that Jason's new babysitter?"

"She's not that new once I threw her out the door," Thalia sneered, seething.

"A-Assh-Asshwole!" Jason happily yelled.

"Shhhhhh," Ms. Grace scolded suddenly, the stain on the carpet forgotten.

"Shhhhhhwit!" Jason repeated.

"Thalia take your brother to his room," Ms. Grace told her daughter. "I see the new cameraman coming up the driveway now, so shut up."

Thalia did a mock salute before picking up Jason from the ground, hauling him on her back and throwing him on his squeaky bed that didn't seem to cooperate anymore. The instant he made contact on the bed, he did a manly scream as it sagged right down like a failing trampoline.

She left him there in his misery.

"Asshwhole! Shtupid shwithead!"

Surprisingly, her mother didn't comment on the 'swearwords' that her brother belted out. Instead, she sat down on the couch, in the same position that she was before she stood up to go to the door.

"Thalia, come on the cameraman is coming to film us, hurry up!" Ms. Grace shouted, making her voice commanding.

"I'll be right there," Thalia replied, gritting her teeth. She walked towards the door, ignoring the cameraman who stared at her as she strolled past him. Eventually, she got to where the babysitter was still sitting. "Who do you think you are? A cool Barbie doll or something?! You think you can just come to my house and teach my baby brother _fake swearwords like asswhole?!_ If you do something, do it right! What type of person are you huh?"

"THALIA GRACE!" Ms. Grace screamed. "The cameraman is getting impatient!"

"Shwithead," Thalia taunted one more time before going back inside the shed.

"Go away Thalia! Don't you see I'm busy?!" Ms. Grace contradicted what she said just a few moments ago. "Yeah that's right, pack up and leave your 'shwit!' Go become a street kid!"

"Well I was tired of taking care of your stupid acting career anyway," Thalia snarled aggressively.

_Beautiful, _the cameraman thought. _Absolutely beautiful. _"Bravo! Bravo! That was simply-"

Thalia had already left. Ms. Grace stared at the space where her daughter was a few seconds ago. Her eyes snapped towards the cameraman.

"It was your idea to not tell her that it was acting so that it would be a 'better reaction.'" Ms. Grace hissed.

The cameraman raised his hands in surrender, an odd look on his face. He opted for running but he wasn't quick enough. The last words he heard before he went into unconsciousness were two incoherent swearwords.

:: Luke Castellan ::

"I wanna be a unicorn!"

"Congratulations to you if you manage to grow a horn and a tail."

* * *

"I wanna be a Teletubby!"

"Wow, who _wouldn't _want a television in their stomach?"

* * *

"I wanna be a Pokémon!"

"Gee, what a great idea!"

"Really mommy?"

"NO!"

* * *

"I wanna be a Power Ranger!"

"Good luck being selected as a protector of earth."

* * *

"I wanna be Thomas the Train!"

"You weren't born a train, and I doubt that even plastic surgery could make you one…"

* * *

"I wanna go to Sesame Street!"

"Don't us all."

* * *

"I wanna be a piggy!"

"Oh! Oh gods, please no! The mental image…"

* * *

"I wanna be Beedle!"

"And out of all the characters in The Legend of Zelda…"

* * *

Luke Castellan was finally thirteen years old when he stopped his phase of fantasizing to be _fiction _characters. There were no more mentions of the past, no fond memories that his mother brought up as he woke up- as a thirteen year old, not twelve. Not that she cared though.

It was silent in the house. The only noise there was, was his mother's constant swearing and his brand new phone- which was ringing like crazy. The Piano Riff played repeatedly.

Even when he ate his birthday cake, May Castellan just stood there, a sarcastic smile on her face. He sniffled slightly, wishing in his head (for once) that he would be someone to be _proud _of. He wanted his mother to be proud of him; wanted to be someone that his _father _would be proud of.

But at the moment, he was a fat, tubby failure who was currently stuffing his face with the rich, dark and velvety chocolate cake iced with butter cream and coffee beans as well as the whipped, soft cream that covered the entire cake…

"Sorry Luke, I gotta go to work," May suddenly spoke.

It was the first words she spoke since he woke up. She left abruptly, ruffling his hair awkwardly before grabbing her bag and dashing out the door.

Luke knew she wasn't going to work. She was going to go to the pub, have a chat with her mates and come home drunk with a peculiar words coming out of her mouth; the green mist pouring out as company.

It had always been that way, he realized with a heavy heart. Tears ran down his face, the salty liquid mingling with the quality texture. He would always be a nuisance to her; his supposed to be mother. _Forever…. _

_But it's going to be okay! _He smiled. _Dad's going to come soon! _His smile faltered as he realized that his dad hadn't been in his life for the past thirteen years. _He's going to come… _

* * *

Luke waited one more year before packing his many Louis Vitton bags and leaving.

:: Percy Jackson ::

"Oi, Sally!" The smooth voice of Gabe Ugliano could be heard throughout the entire dingy apartment. "I need some help with my record!"

"She's sleeping you idiot!" And then came along the harsh voice of Percy Jackson.

Gabe narrowed his eyes as Percy came into view, the fish on his pajamas glowing in the dark. "Why aren't you sleeping punk?"

Percy shrugged, sitting down on the poker table and downing his cold coffee he had prepared five hours ago in advance. "Can't sleep."

"You _never _sleep. What's wrong with you?!"

"I have insomnia."

His stepfather began to chuckle evilly. "You're a bigger ignoramus than I thought."

He refused to ask what the word meant. "Well no one _cares _what you think, idiot."

Gabe's chuckles faded mysteriously and he began to growl. His hand scavenged under the sofa, emerging with an extremely stained baby blanket. Percy snickered as the other glared at him. A few seconds later, the child got a gossip magazine thrown at his face. He peeled it off slowly, spitting out the dustbunny that was on it.

Percy threw the magazine back in his stepfather's face. "Can't read it."

"Right. I'll read it to you then."

"Oh goodie, I always love a bedtime story."

Gabe glowered from behind the magazine. "You said you couldn't sleep."

"I can't."

"Well then shut up and listen punk." He cleared his throat once for the drama, plugged in the stereo cord to the power outlet and turned on some epic music. "Gabe Ugliano: Ugly at Last. At first, when arriving on the brand new movie, he was a wonder. With his smooth voice and lovely eyes and _completely_ handsome face, he became a star worldwide! … Or so it seemed. His recently taken photograph showed him- and his recent wife and stepson- looking like an extremely dangerous man. And I'm not talking about his acting side. With baggy eyes and an extreme potbelly, it looks like he's been drinking! And by the looks of his teeth, it looks like he's been smoking! And the smell, oh lord, it's _excruciating!_ Oh my God, America, it's like we've never met a person who has smoked and drunken before!"

Percy raised an eyebrow at the last sentence, which had been done in a girly high pitched tone. "That's not actually on there is it?"

"No, punk, of course those gossip people would admit that it's totally new when someone does those things." Gabe rolled his 'lovely' eyes before concluding, "What happened to Gabe Ugliano? Ponder on that question, America, ponder."

"They're exaggerating."

"Well of course they are! I haven't brushed my teeth in a week, because I can't even afford a damn toothbrush, and my eyes are baggy because I was up all night watching reruns of the TV show I starred in. My _excruciating _smell is the brand new cologne I'm using. Hell, I always use it!"

"Wow, I must have gotten used to it then."

"And my 'extreme potbelly' is a lie Jackson!"

"What, you're pregnant?"

"As a matter of fact- no, I'm not. Is it a sin to be fat?! The damn papers punk. Especially that _hilarious _writer. And now they're pinning after another person that's not me! And you know his name?! It's the most idiotic name ever."

Percy started pouring himself his third cup of coffee, nodding his head wearily.

"Paul Blowfish!"

Immediately, Percy spat his coffee out, choking and hacking up like a cat with a hairball. Gabe continued ranting, ignorant of his stepson, who was starting to turn a mysterious shade of purple.

"He should look after the blowfish in the aquarium! And look at the description of him: With his smooth voice and lovely eyes and _completely_ handsome face, he is in process of becoming a star worldwide!"

Percy continued nodding his head, still coughing slightly. "They need a thesaurus thrown at their faces."

"That's exactly what I'm gonna do punk. With your assistance and Sally's hacker skills, we could get away easily."

"Uh-"

"Come on punk!"

_Mom isn't going to like this…_

* * *

Together, both partners in crime got in the '78 Camaro, one single thesaurus packed in the trunk. Gabe revved up the engine loudly, grinning as he heard the deafening noise. Percy grinned along, only plugging his ears once his stepfather started to sing. He stared out the window, watching the scenery fly by as the speed increased to 120/mph.

Street and traffic lights became blurry firework stars as they whizzed past boulevards and roads. Manhattan became a haze like a Van Gogh painting- smudges of colour painted here and there.

Until they came to a screeching halt.

Gabe started chuckling evilly, eyes maniacal looking as he rubbed his fingertips together. He opened the trunk, grabbed the over eight hundred paged book, and pulled on his camouflage hat.

"Don't forget the equipment punk."

Percy didn't reply, instead choosing to grab his electronic device and running after his stepfather; who was already ahead. When they were inside the building, he pressed a few buttons on his device, air playing the Mission Impossible Theme.

"The security is too easy," Percy muttered, nudging Gabe who was currently looking around for the writer.

"What do you expect punk? Double barricaded doors with a random password generator guarded with soldiers in battle armor with guns?" Gabe answered, snorting slightly.

"I kind of was…"

"Stupid ignoramus… There she is!"

The writer stared in their direction, confused. She shook her head, wrapping the shawl around her shoulders more tightly as she looked up at the speakers. "Must be the Stolls again…" With one last look their way, she left.

"Hurry punk!"

"You're the one holding it!"

Gabe looked down before grumbling. "Here goes nothing."

"You mean here goes the thesaurus."

"Hey, shut up punk."

They shared creepy smiles before Gabe threw the thesaurus at the writer's head. Instead of crumbling to the ground- she twirled around daintily, staring at the thesaurus beside her in shock. Her eyes met theirs before she screamed as if she was burning. Percy did a facepalm as the older male simply gaped at the writer in shock.

They ran.

"I can't believe you missed!" Percy shouted.

"I saw your PE mark; I wouldn't exactly call you the best either!" Gabe shouted back, still slightly dazed.

"But I got an A!"

"It was an A minus punk! I missed it by _that _much."

It took them a second for them to realize that they were running in the same place as before. Gabe gulped as Percy turned to him with a scowl on his face.

The doors actually _were _double barricaded with a random password generator. Soldiers in battle armor marched up to them, before pointing guns to their faces.

Gabe smiled nervously. "Christmas spirit eh? I ran out of snowballs to throw…?"

A loud _bang _was heard all throughout the building.

* * *

Chocolate sprinkles and confetti burst into the air, while a flag had been inserted in the gun, the word BANG! written on it.

* * *

"What have I told you two about sneaking off?!" Sally Jackson spoke absentmindedly, typing away at her computer.

"Nothing actually." Gabe answered truthfully, still in the process of wiping his face from all the chocolate sprinkles.

Percy managed to crack a smile. "Good one."

Sally glanced up from the computer, her eyebrows raised. "You're actually getting along."

"Hell no woman!"

The only female in the apartment grinned, but changed the subject. "So how did you get away?"

"While everything was chaotic, me and Gabe spoke gibberish until the door opened," Percy spoke. "Apparently the password was gibberish."

"Right, Sally, so you go to that writer's email account, and delete the gossip messages she's sending around about us."

"Already done it."

Gabe nodded approvingly, before walking towards his bedroom and slamming the door behind him. Sally stared at her son skeptically, but he just shrugged.

"So what's the real reason you guys went out to throw a thesaurus to this poor lady's head?" Sally asked, sipping her hot chocolate.

"Oh, uh…" Percy drummed his fingers on the table nervously.

"Percy…" She gave him a look.

"He was jealous of a guy called… Paul Blowfish…"

Sally shrieked in surprise and a blush instantly rose to her cheeks. "And I deleted those emails too… Oh poor Paul…"

She started to stomp up to Gabe's room in anger.

"Mom, I've met him, and he's a real ass-"

The sound of a _slap _echoed around the apartment.

"And it's Blo_fis, _Percy!"

:: No one in particular ::

It was the monsters that brought them together.

"Put your hands up in the air where I can see them!" A monster shouted.

"Why the hands?" Thalia muttered. "It could be hiding in my shoe."

The monster stared at her, mystified at what the 'it' was. "Right, give me your shoe!"

"Which one- left or right?"

"Both!"

"_Alright, dammit!_"

She looked annoyed as she took off her tattered sneakers and threw it at the group of monsters who obviously had watched too many action movies. It bonked the monster in the eye as it wailed in self pity. The others growled, stalking closer to the group of demigods.

"Right, so I don't know who you people are, but I suggest running away as a start," Thalia spoke, staring at the other three people.

The little girl with curly blonde hair nodded, dragging a plastic bag and the dude with black hair with her. The somewhat tall guy ran by himself, carrying his countless bags along with him. The group of monsters was starting to gain on them, their claws and paws stampeding on the wet pavement.

It was raining. That much was obvious. Conveniently, Luke grabbed an umbrella from one of his bags and opened it, covering his head. The other two little kiddies glared at him slightly, only tightening up their hoods. Thalia came running up, following close behind. She speared one of the monsters in the head, before golden dust exploded everywhere.

The blonde girl took a hammer out of nowhere and started pounding away as if it was a videogame. The black haired boy simply scavenged in one of the bags, before making do with another umbrella with a sharp point. He played whack-a-mole with the monsters for a while, until golden dust fluttered in the air.

"Get it off me!" Luke screeched, using the umbrella to shield himself from the dust.

"It's not even on you," Annabeth jeered, before frowning a little. "It _is _on me though... Eh, whatever…" She brushed it off her jeans as Luke stared at her weirdly.

"We should be together," Luke decided.

Annabeth blanched at the words, backing away slowly. "You're way too old for me… Not to mention not my type."

He cringed, managing to flush a deep red. "I meant together like partners in crime." His face grew longing and dreamy. "Like family…"

Thalia stared at him, as if looking for any proof that he had horrific intentions. "Are you saying that because you don't want to die?"

"Well, technically, he did supply my 'weapon'…" Percy spoke, admiring the umbrella. "You can use it for so many things…"

"But I don't even know you people," Annabeth addressed them. She glanced backwards, felt the wall, and started to scale it from behind.

"And I don't know you people either!" Luke replied cheerily.

"How the hell do you find an answer to that?" Thalia muttered, still a little pissed off at the fact that he hadn't even done anything useful yet.

"So…"

"This is _such _a nice umbrella man! Where'd you get it?!"

"See?! This little dude is on 'Team Luke!'" He cheered.

Percy opened and closed his umbrella for the effect of all the seafood shimmering around. In the process of doing so, he accidentally whacked Luke on the nose.

"More like on 'Team Kill Luke…'" Annabeth murmured, grinning slightly.

Thalia contemplated. "Well, the time it took me to kill the monsters did reduce down because we fought together."

From the top of the short wall, Annabeth nodded. "By a full minute and a half."

"So…"

Annabeth hopped off the wall with ease and grinned. "Sure."

"Hey it might be fun, cruising and touring America with three strangers," Thalia spoke, nodding.

Percy was still focused on the umbrella as the fishies danced around. Luke snatched the umbrella from his hands, glaring at him with a bloody nose.

"Oi!"

"Its mine!"

"No its not! It still has the price tag on it; you stole it!"

"Guys, we're in the wide open, we'll attract monsters. And if they come, don't expect me to save your sorry ass again."

Luke grumbled as he handed the stolen umbrella back. "Right. Let's go."

* * *

A loud beeping noise alerted the area of the intruders. The four of them paused midway stupidly, giving the security time to address the situation. Annabeth accidentally crashed into Percy, who was moving in a zigzag pattern. Her overflowing bag of groceries spilled on the floor, as she stumbled backwards.

"Forget it, just run!" Thalia yelled at her.

It was contradicting of what her father would have said. _Annabeth, you chubby cheeked squirrel, you dropped _the _cookies! _She hesitated for a moment, her eyes flitting over to her crew and the security men charging at her with sissy tasers- compared to the ones she had seen on TV.

A pair of hands snuck around her lithe waist and she struggled, kicking the person from behind. Luke let out a staggered 'oof' as she kicked him. He still managed to keep hold of her though, and started to run back to their crew.

"Kidnapper!" A clueless pedestrian shouted, causing heads to turn sharply.

"Oh my gods," Luke groaned as he heard the shout.

Annabeth made an "it's all cool" gesture with her hands, but forgot that she was still being carried. They both toppled down to the ground, Luke taking most of the impact. He looked up, seeing pretty little stars that twinkled sweetly in a halo above him…

"Get up!" Thalia yelled as if she was a drill sergeant, finally coming forth to their aid, Percy not too far behind.

Annabeth got a free piggyback ride from Percy, allowing them to escape first-with one bag of groceries on their shoulders each.

Meanwhile Thalia held out a hand for Luke to hold on to when he got up, but he laid still, a dreamy expression on his face. The security men were advancing closer, all yelling incoherent words. He was still seeing stars-

So she slapped him. "We're going to get caught princess, so move!"

He still didn't get up, instead lying on the cold floor in peace... She hauled him up with her strength she had gotten from eating spinach and started dragging him to the direction the others were going.

"Tha…Falia…" He slurred, leaning heavily on her.

She scowled. "When we escape, you're going on a diet, fatty."

"Was… wrong wif fat?" He replied in illogical words, regaining some of his senses.

"Nothing's wrong with being fat," she replied nonchalantly. "Except when you act as if you're drunk and you're using me as if I'm one of those handlebars that ballet dancers use!"

He didn't reply anymore, as he had passed out in delirium. She growled under her breath, considering to throwing him to the security men as a hearty sacrifice. Fortunately for him, she didn't. She was too busy shielding him from the electrical shocks that jolted her body.

Grinning, she barged out the door. Percy and Annabeth were right outside, awaiting their presence.

"Code Blue," she managed to speak as she caught her breath. "They have tasers so I can deflect the electricity." She glanced backwards. "We still have to run though."

Together, the three of them started to carry Luke as if he was dead- all the way back to their base. The security men chased after them, still trying to use their tasers- but eventually found out that electricity did nothing to stop them.

* * *

"I think we made the front page!" Luke squealed.

"Very manly," Percy commented, suppressing a snort.

Thalia peeked over Luke's shoulder. "He's serious though. That's my face right there, a drunken looking Luke, and you and Annabeth looking like you're playing horsey."

"Good to know," Annabeth muttered. "Now we'll have to buy those hoods that shadow our faces and need to know how to blend in with the crowd…"

"The picture's blurred," Luke replied, his voice still somewhat high. "Besides, who would want to cover up this face?"

Thalia blanched. "Lots of people."

"Pfft. As if."

She rolled her eyes but didn't comment further, instead choosing to unpack the bag of groceries they had stolen.

* * *

It had been a week since they had met each other. Luke didn't hesitate to point out the fact.

"Today is an extremely important day," he began.

"I bet its going to be extravagant," Percy interrupted, not even struggling on the use of a big word.

Annabeth stared at him like the world was coming to an end.

"_Anyways_," Luke persisted, "a week ago, we met each other!"

Thalia stared at him, perplexed. "And you're _happy _about that?"

He stared back, bewildered. "And you're not?" Ignoring her protest, he continued. "We should celebrate!"

Percy rolled around in the grass like a pig. "Is it going to be like this every week?"

"As long as we're together," Luke answered, nodding his head happily.

"Wonderful."

"And, uh, how do you plan to celebrate?"

Luke's eyes glinted mischievously, and the others could finally see the resemblance between him and Hermes. "Amusement Park."

_Shwit, _Thalia thought.

They never actually _went _to the Amusement Park as Luke had planned. In the middle of broad daylight, a pack of hellhounds blocked their way, their teeth gleaming under the bright sun. Their red eyes were shining with bloodlust.

Annabeth assessed the situation carefully, her grey eyes looking at the monsters as they advanced closer and closer. She quickly took out her weapon and was about to unleash ultimate terror when she saw one of the hellhound's eyes widen. It got slammed to the ground by about a dozen teenagers.

"Gummy bears!" One of them yelled.

"Mortals," Percy spoke with a grin. "They think that it's a gummy bear truck."

Golden dust sprayed everywhere. The teenager who had intended to pick the 'truck's' lock with a knife looked confused as the truck had disappeared. With a shrug, he raised his knife in the air.

"To the next truck!" He yelled.

Yet the group of mortals never got around to eating any gummy bears, because the trucks started moving around.

"Let's go," Luke whispered shakily to his crew.

Annabeth stared at him, a miniscule bit of horror in her eyes. "But they could _die_!"

"Better them than us, right Percy?" Thalia responded, nudging the son of Poseidon.

He nodded slightly, although as they ran away from the scene, he couldn't help but feel guilty as the voices in his head hissed furiously at him.

The trip to the amusement park lay forgotten, though Luke still managed to nab a random cake from a store…

(…which turned out to be fruit cake.)

* * *

They kept on attempting to celebrate their weekly anniversaries, though every time, a pack of monsters would stand in their way, as if the Fates didn't want them to wreak anymore havoc among the poor mortals.

On the second month, Luke finally decided to give up on going out, instead choosing to laze around their hideout all day.

"You know, out of all the time we've been together, I realized that I never got to know you people," Luke spoke out of the blue, interrupting the silence. "Like birthdays, or past lives, or… something…"

"Getting nosy, eh Castellan?" Thalia reprimanded.

"Yeah, but if know something about you, you can know something about me too!" He grinned as he used his wits.

She opened her mouth to reply but then closed it. For one of the first times in her life, she drew back from a sarcastic comment. For a startling moment, she realized that it was because she had grown to _care _about him in a sibling-y way. The same applied to the other two.

Percy watched as silence occurred, so he cleared his throat awkwardly. "My birthday is on August 18th-"

Luke gasped in surprise. "That's the same date Genghis Khan died! Fighting like that, you must have been his reincarnation!"

"WHAT?! A dude like him, Genghis Khan in his pastlife?" Annabeth objected, though it wasn't out of spite. "Genghis Khan died ages ago. He couldn't have been reborn the day that Percy was born!"

Percy stuck out his tongue childishly at Annabeth as she scowled at him, whacking him on the head with her withered and malodorous plastic bag. However much she protested against it though (debating with facts,) Luke was still giddy with excitement.

"This is epic!"

Thalia merely ignored everyone. A rustle came from the bushes behind her. Instantly, she turned backwards, ready to pulverize any pervert who was looking at her. The others didn't notice, continuing their heated debate about pointless things.

"Guys, shut up for a minute," she hissed.

There was a moment of unwilling silence, with Luke and Annabeth both glaring at each other. Another crunch came from the bushes.

"Wha…" Percy began, the chip he was eating falling to the ground in shock as the person revealed himself.

"Is that four scents I smell?! Why it is!" a voice came from the bushes.

An almost Superman lookalike came out from the bushes, an arrogant yet stupid look on his face. His hair was slicked back and tiny horns were starting to emerge from his head.

"Zeus," Thalia muttered lowly.

The person with horns managed to hear, a grin making a way up his face. "I do look like him don't I?" He flexed his muscles under the costume.

Thalia and Annabeth were the only ones composed. Luke and Percy were both laughing hysterically at the ridiculous sight.

"Who are you?" Annabeth asked bluntly. She had to suppress her own snort of laughter as she thought of her father, who would probably say something along the lines of 'a weird Superman clone, so similar it's the same cologne!'

"The name is Underwood. Grover Underwood," the weird Superman dude introduced himself cockily.

"Oh really, I thought it was something along the lines of Kal-El," Thalia murmured, making the guys laugh even more.

"You're supposed to come with me," Grover ordered, ignoring the laughter around him.

Annabeth raised an eyebrow, looking intimidating for a seven year old. "Supposed?"

He nodded. "I'll take you to a place for people like you."

"Crazy people?" Percy suggested, who had calmed down. A goofy smile was still plastered on his face.

Grover stared at them, scrunching up his eyes before nodding. "Pretty much."

Thalia gazed at him, racking her brains for the information that she needed. She narrowed her eyes. "You're a satyr. I'm assuming you're not bringing us to this 'place' just because we're crazy."

"You are demigods," Grover explained, as if he was a king and they were mere peasants. "That means you are half-"

"Mortal and half god," Annabeth finished for him. "We already know."

He frowned at being interrupted. "So may I inquire who your godly parents are then…?"

"Now look who's being nosy Thalia," Luke whispered to his comrade rather smugly. She rolled her eyes.

"Why?" Percy drawled out lazily, resuming eating his chips.

"Well, if you insist; I am your protector against realms of evil terrors that may come upon you!" Grover boasted, puffing out his chest proudly.

Thalia got bored quickly. "Why don't you be the protector of earth? You already look the image."

He frowned. "Too much work. Nevertheless, Chiron-"

"_Chiron?!_" Thalia looked at his face for any signs of lying, before doing a doubletake.

His face soured. "So you know who Chiron is but not me." He huffed at the lack of response before continuing. "Anyways, as of my previous question-"

The group shared a look before nodding simultaneously.

"Zeus," Thalia started.

"-Athena."

"No! Why did you have to go first?! Everyone knows that Poseidon goes before Athena-"

"Hermes," Luke finished for them, not wanting another argument to start.

"Two children of the Big Three?" Grover asked in astonishment.

"See Annabeth, I _told _you that Poseidon gets mentioned before Athena!" Percy triumphed in her face.

Her face soured. "He didn't say Poseidon, he said 'Big Three.' Yes, technically he did, but he meant it because there was a pact- he's saying it in a negative, not a positive light!" Annabeth told him in aggravation.

"… He still mentioned Poseidon first though…"

"You _must_ come to camp then!" Grover exclaimed in excitement, as if he wanted to show off his new 'catch' to his followers.

"What am I, seven?" Annabeth asked the satyr, crossing her arms in defiance.

Thalia snuck a look to Annabeth, smirking. "You are Annie, don't deny it."

Annabeth glared at Thalia but didn't say anything, mainly due to the fact that Grover was starting to talk again.

"_Anyways, _the camp is for demigods. It's much safer for you, and better than the streets," he stared around in disgust at their living conditions.

Percy followed the satyr's gaze and saw what he always saw. Some garbage strewn around carelessly and the bottles and cans all in one corner for recycling. A few stones vaguely covered with pillows blankets each had their own places on the floor. Four sleeping bags were rolled up on the side. Various assortments of wood were placed in the middle of it all, ready to be lit up by the daughter of Zeus when it got cold. Most important of all, it was _home_.

"This isn't the streets," Thalia snapped, defending their home. "It's a deserted area which is conveniently set in some forest. Get your facts right."

"But what if there were no more monsters?" He asked, as if a sales advertiser. "What if there was a place where you didn't have to steal food- a place where they served you good meals three times a day? A place where you would perfect your skills on self defense and sword fighting? Perhaps archery?"

"But… We can do that already by _ourselves_. We don't even need a camp to do the work for us," Annabeth spoke.

"No wait, Annabeth…" Thalia interrupted, staring at her pleadingly.

"You're actually thinking of going?" Annabeth responded, surprised and a little betrayed.

Thalia sighed, looking around. "It would be safer."

"Since when did you care about safety? Besides, if we go there, there would be no freedom!"

"I don't want you to die!"

The two girls were glaring at each other.

"Well, as they say, listen to your elders!" Grover butted in cheerfully, before cowering under the two's ferocious glare.

"Luke? Percy?" Thalia called out.

"That's not fair either; you called on them first which means they have to agree with you!"

"And what book did you get that from?"

"Thalia's right Annabeth," Luke finally stepped in. "It's safer for us."

Over the course of two months, she could see that he had matured more in personality. He no longer squealed at every hideous monster they saw.

"Besides," he continued with a sneaky grin. "If we can sneak in past security, who says we can't do it when we're there?"

She still looked hesitant, but finally relented, which left them with only Percy to deal with.

"No chance Jackson, we're going," Thalia said to him.

"Yeah, whatever," he responded nonchalantly. Yet when they were packed up and ready to go, he couldn't help but feel that something bad was going to happen soon.

* * *

"We're nearly there!" Grover shouted in excitement, his dirty Superman cape flowing with the wind.

"And so are the monsters," Annabeth yelled at him to be heard over the trampling.

The satyr risked a look from behind and gulped. "Right. Better hurry up then!"

"What happened to being a protector?!" Thalia retorted back.

"Enchiladas happened!" He answered, sniffing the air. "Can't you smell that blissful aroma…?"

"Can't you hear that miserable sound of death…?"

"Just run!"

Thalia stayed behind, spearing through monsters one by one. Annabeth stuffed her plastic bag in her pocket, took out her dagger and started slicing open monsters, while Percy uncapped his pen given to him by a random stranger. Riptide unleashed its terror upon the monsters rapidly. Luke beat up the monsters with a baseball bat; effectively making them fall to the ground so the others could kill it.

It was a method they had used over the course of the past few weeks; and so far, it had worked miracles.

Grover merely took out his reed pipes and started to play on it, random screeches of notes hitting all the wrong pitches.

"My arms are… tired…" Luke spoke resignedly.

He wasn't the only one. The others' moves were starting to become more sluggish. More and more monsters were starting to crowd the area, attacking the group fiercely.

"Give it up already," Percy groaned as two telekhines charged at him.

Rain was starting to pour down heavily. Percy grinned slightly as the water droplets started to refresh him slightly. However, the rain didn't help out the others- instead it slowed them down even more. The ground became more slippery, and mud splattered everywhere as the monsters tromped around the area.

A mini tidal wave washed over the first array of monsters, decelerating them. Thalia zapped the wave, making the monsters feel electrocution as well.

"Run!" Thalia shouted, taking advantage of the slowed-down monsters to sprint to the camp borders.

"Thalia, behind you!" Annabeth warned, assessing each person of her group carefully.

The daughter of Zeus rammed her spear into whatever was behind her. She came out victorious as an empousa's head was stuck on her spear. Its face was in mid terror, its forked tongue in the middle of a flicker. Thalia grimaced, trying to get rid of the head that was on her spear, but to no avail- the head wouldn't budge.

So she followed Luke's example of beating the monsters up.

"You're nearly there!" Grover encouraged, helpless to do anything with his reed pipes- which only made the grass grow. He seemed to have lost his 'Mr. Awesome' act, and his eyes showed genuine fear and worry.

Thalia pounded a telekhine's face in, its snout taking its last breath as it died and reappeared in the Underworld. Her movements were starting to lag behind like a rusty old computer, and she lacked the grace she had before. _Grace_. She wondered where her mother and her brother had ended up now. She wondered if her mother ever became a famous actress- or if her brother could finally pronounce those swearwords he had so desperately been trying to learn.

Thalia Grace wondered…

And then she didn't.

* * *

Luke saw it all happen. Monsters were surrounding her from all sides, and even though he was urgently making his way to her, the Minotaur still managed to swipe her across the area. He watched her as she flew midair, falling to the ground with a loud _thud_. From afar, he could see crimson. Red. _Blood_.

"_No!_" His grievous cry alerted Percy and Annabeth who momentarily stopped what they were doing.

A split second of silence.

Thunder flashed dangerously in the sky, the wind roaring furiously as if Zeus himself had watched down from Olympus to see his daughter die. And he had. Pure cries of anguish rose from the ruler's mouth as he appeared on the battlescene. The monsters stood no chance as the Olympian fired bolt after bolt in his rage.

In just under a minute, the deafening noise succumbed to silence.

In just under a minute, Thalia Grace was starting to die.

In just under a minute, a pine tree appeared on the hill.

In just under a minute, Zeus got punched in the face.


End file.
